Blog - Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist

Wondering how the Grief Recovery Method is different from traditional grief support? Great Question!

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 03:51:01 GMT

1. One big difference is that we don’t separate people by the type of loss they’ve experienced. Everyone is welcome no matter why their heart is broken. That may sound wild since it’s not how most grief support groups work, so let’s look at why we do that.

Even if two people experienced the same type of loss they still wouldn’t have the same experiences because all relationships are unique. For example, let’s say the father of two twin sisters died. That sounds about as close as you can get to people experiencing the same type of loss, right? Well, those two sisters are still individual people. One might have had a great relationship with her dad, but the other might not have. To compare one person’s loss to another’s, regardless of the cause or type of loss, discounts, minimizes or trivializes their feelings or experience.

We have found that focusing on the type of loss puts the focus in the wrong place. Yes, the type of loss is important because it’s why someone’s heart is broken, but we also focus on how to help people. The Grief Recovery Method is a universal solution that will work for anyone that is willing to do the work.

2. Another thing that makes us unique is that the Grief Recovery Method has a start and an end. Although many other traditional grief support groups offer a safe environment for griever to talk about their feelings, talking only provides short-term relief. Talking about your feelings can be beneficial, but it’s not enough. The Grief Recovery Method is designed to guide people in emotional pain through a series of actions to feel better. Of course, you can choose to continue working to heal other relationships, but we have a system that has proven to work. So people don’t need to see us indefinitely.

3. You know what else is amazing?

Grief Specialists, like me, have done the work themselves. We are a group of grievers for grievers. We wouldn’t expect you to do anything we haven’t done ourselves. It takes courage to ask for help, and each of our facilitators knows that from experience.

4. Another thing that makes us stand out is that grief is our only topic. We work with anyone grieving and affected regardless of any political, social, or demographic surrounding an event.

We understand that grief is about having a broken heart, but most of the tools people are taught to deal with grief are intellectual. Grief is a normal and natural emotional reaction to loss, but most of the solutions people are taught are intellectual. Although the method is partially educational, the solution is emotional.

5. Lastly, the Grief Recovery Method is the only grief support program that is evidence-based and effective. It’s true! Researchers at Kent State found that The Grief Recovery Method goes beyond a “best practice” or “promising approach” in dealing with the emotional pain of loss. This means there is high confidence that those who follow the Grief Recovery Method Action Plan can find happiness in their lives despite the loss they suffered. Isn’t that amazing!?

So if you were wondering how we are different, now you know!

What is “tangible” and “intangible” loss?

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 03:42:48 GMT

Tangible losses are experiences that are easily seen, like death, breakups, or bankruptcy. Intangible losses are experiences that often go unnoticed, such as loss of trust, safety, security, and control.

Tangible and intangible losses are both painful.

Have you ever experienced a loss that isn’t typically considered one, but it left you feeling just as heartbroken?

Maybe it was a dream that didn't come true, an estranged relationship with a family member, or the loss of your career.

Imagine a man who dreamed of having children, only to find out he cannot do so. Or a woman who never knew her father left wondering about the relationship she missed out on. And let's not forget those who have experienced abuse or assault and living with emotional scars. These are real losses that deserve recognition and support.

In times of tragedy and uncertainty, it's common to feel a loss of trust, safety, control, and security. Whether it's from global events like war, fear of elections, or personal experiences like bankruptcy or abuse, the impact can be profound. Society doesn't always acknowledge these losses as grief, but the pain is valid and deserves to be acknowledged.

Intangible losses can weigh heavy on your heart, limiting your capacity for happiness and the quality of your life. It's time to address these silent struggles instead of burying them inside.

Let's recognize and validate all forms of loss because healing starts with acknowledging it.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS STRUGGLING?

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 03:30:52 GMT

Did you know there is more than one way to communicate with others?

Most of you have probably heard of verbal (using words) vs nonverbal (body language, facial expressions) communication. A smile, a shoulder shrug, or even a raised eyebrow can change the entire context of a conversation. That's why texts and emails sometimes lead to misunderstandings – they lack those crucial visual cues!

There are other types of communication as well: intellectual and emotional.

In our daily lives, we lean towards intellectual communication – exchanging facts, giving instructions, and all the practical stuff we need to get through the day. Great for productivity, but not so great when we encounter someone speaking about emotions or needing emotional support.

When we chat with our spouse, co-workers, or a friendly service worker, we're usually in 'intellectual mode.' But what if they need to share something more personal? That's when we might hit a snag. Not everyone realizes that sometimes, we need to switch gears and listen with our hearts.

When someone reaches out emotionally, they're not looking for solutions or facts. They want to feel heard and understood. In a world where we are programmed to rush to solutions, offer quick fixes, or guide our friends toward the "bright side," we may inadvertently bypass a crucial part of the healing process - the recognition of pain.

It's about finding the right balance and recognizing when someone needs empathetic, emotional support rather than just an exchange of ideas or instructions.

When you recognize someone is communicating emotionally, your undivided attention is the greatest gift you can give. Put your cell phone away, don’t look at your watch, don’t scan the room. Whether you're a manager, want to be a better parent, or just someone looking to improve your relationships, remember this: A moment of silence to listen can speak volumes in emotional communication.

When someone shares something significant, like a child confiding, "Someone was mean to me at school," respond with empathy rather than an intellectual response. A gentle, "Oh, I can't imagine what that's like for you," does much more than “Don’t worry about that kid. Just ignore him. He was probably just having a bad day” . It shows you've heard them and acknowledged their emotional experience.

You should also summarize what they said. This mirror technique can make the other person feel seen and heard, reinforcing that their feelings are valid. Imagine this: Your colleague says, "I'm overwhelmed with this project." Responding with empathy, you say, "That sounds incredibly stressful. Want to talk about it?". What you're doing is *listening* – actively and emotionally. You're not just hearing words. You're acknowledging feelings.

Next time someone reaches out emotionally, try this approach:

Listen without interrupting.
Respond with empathy rather than solutions.
Invite them to share more with phrases like, "Tell me more about that."

So let's challenge ourselves to tune in more deeply. When a friend or loved one speaks from the heart, let's listen with ours. That way, we won’t miss out on opportunities to help people feel safe, to be honest.

The Grief Recovery Method Will Change Your Life

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 16:49:00 GMT

Not to boast about what the Grief Recovery Method is, but there is a reason it’s the ONLY Evidence Based Grief Support Program in the world. If you’ve experienced The Grief Recovery Method you know what sets us apart from other traditional support groups. If you haven’t, then take a peak at what these participants have to say about it.

“I highly recommend this experience. It has massively impacted me for the positive. I got to a point where I could no longer feel joy or happiness. It was a dark place and beyond what I thought was depression. Almost immediately, I could feel shifts after starting. I am incredibly grateful for this knowledge, tools and information. It has changed my life.” – Pamela B

“TRANSFORMATIVE in learning how to *process* your Grief, not avoid it or “will it out” of your life. There’s a *reason* the pain can linger longer than it has to!

LOVE that the GRM gives you actionable steps that help *connect* what the Mind knows with what the Heart feels. It never dismisses whatever unique experiences you’re going through.

GREAT to address and break down myths of Healing.

GRATEFUL to move towards a place of peace and strength.

I’ve recommended it to dozens of people!” – Shar L

The post The Grief Recovery Method Will Change Your Life appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist .

What is in your BACKPACK?

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 16:45:00 GMT

The post What is in your BACKPACK? appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist .

Willingness: The first Step To Healing a Broken Heart:

Mon, 07 Jun 2021 19:08:00 GMT

If you’re reading this you’ve probably been through a devastating loss recently or a long time ago.

Maybe you’ve experienced a ton of heartache, feel hopeless about the future, or wonder why you can’t seem to find any joy in life.

I’ve been there too: deaths, breakups, sexual abuse, crushing lonliness, not wanting to get out of bed… you name it.

It was brutal, devastating, I felt punched in the gut and I wished I could change what happened, but I couldn’t.

Can you relate?

Some people live with that pain forever. They spend their entire lives at the mercy of what happened. It’s easy to see why. When something tragic occurs, like the death of a loved one, they are a victim .

Hopefully at some point people decide to search for help to heal their hearts. Maybe that’s why you’re reading this now.

That willingness to move forward requires one small thing… accepting at least 1% responsibility for how you are going to move forward.

That doesn’t mean accepting responsibility for the actual loss. In most cases you were powerless over what happened and got the news later. But at some point after the event, whether it’s 6 months or two years, you might round an important corner and decide it’s time to look into how you can empower yourself to walk through your emotional pain.

Most people are afraid when they are standing at that crossroads. I get it. Please know that making a decision to heal is not dishonoring the memory of the person that died or is no longer in your life. In fact, learning to live life to the fullest again, in spite of emotional pain, honors the relationship.

Just 1% responsibility to move forward is the key to opening a door and changing your life. All that means is you:

Willingness is the key to moving forward. Are you ready? Contact me for a free consultation.

The post Willingness: The first Step To Healing a Broken Heart: appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist .

What is Grief?

Thu, 20 May 2021 20:21:00 GMT

Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind.

While grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss, most of the information we have learned about dealing with loss is not normal, natural, or helpful.

We all experience loss many times in our lives. But despite the fact that we all go through it, most of us don’t have the skills to navigate the grieving experience and successfully recover from the loss.

To learn more, download this free ebook on grief from the Grief Recovery Institute:

The post What is Grief? appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist .

New Year’s Resolutions on Grief

Thu, 20 May 2021 20:20:00 GMT

Do you want to improve your mental, physical, and spiritual health in the New Year?

Have you made any resolutions yet?

From eating healthier and working out to getting out of debt or following a budget, making time for resolutions means that you’re open to self-improvement, so kudos to you!

While you’ll certainly find tons of articles on self-care in the New Year, few will help you look at the roots and causes of WHY you might continue behavior that you know isn’t good for you. It’s vital to take an uncomfortable look at yourself if you want a higher chance of success.

Why do we partake in behaviors that we know hurt us?

So if you’re looking for the ultimate self-care in the New Year, give these things a try.

Contact Mary Hargrave for help with a new program on recovering from grief.

The post New Year’s Resolutions on Grief appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist .

Grief Recovery Can Heal Trauma

Thu, 20 May 2021 20:18:00 GMT

You hear the word trauma a lot these days. It’s great news that people are openly talking about devastating events that happened in their lives. The word trauma gets used in so many different ways that we thought you might like to know how the Grief Recovery Method helps with trauma.

Trauma is any event that causes psychological, physical, emotional, or mental harm like death, abuse, or a natural disaster.

A traumatic event could also be called a loss event.

Whether you want to call the event trauma or a loss doesn’t matter, but the result of a traumatic event is grief.

Grief is the normal and natural response to loss. It’s the conflicting emotions that result in the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern or behavior. It’s the feeling of wishing things would have ended differently, better, or more. And grief is the normal and natural feelings after a traumatic event.

Make no mistake about it, trauma is real and painful. The grief that happens as the result of trauma is also real and painful.

For example, if you see your dog get hit by a car, the event would most definitely be described as traumatic. The solution, however, is the same solution anyone with a broken heart would use following any loss. The griever has to get complete with the relationship to the pet that died. The way to do that is with the Grief Recovery Method.

Here are a few more examples.

Sexual abuse is a horrifying, devastating and painful for anyone to experience. Many people associate sexual abuse as being traumatic, but don’t associate it with grief. But if you stop and think about it, isn’t it a loss?

Suicide is an other example. It is often shocking for the survivors, but that does not mean they can’t recover. You might miss your friend who died, or wish you could have done something different to save him or her. That’s grief.

It’s harmful to mislabel grief as trauma because it isn’t accurate; trauma and grief are not the same. If you misdiagnose, you mistreat.

The Grief Recovery Method gives people new tools and skills that can give them the ability to recover from trauma and losses.

The bonus is that when new losses occur, people will be better equipped to address their feelings so that the trauma and grief don’t continue to keep them heartbroken for years to come.

A person’s life is forever changed after significant trauma, but the grief, sadness, or heartbreak that comes with it doesn’t have to be the new normal.

As professionals, parents, friends, and caregivers, the more we know the more compassionate we can be. We must recognize trauma and understand how powerful the impact of that trauma is on people’s physical, mental, and emotional health. We must also know that there is a solution to heal, and that solution is the Grief Recovery Method. Click here to learn more about Mary Hargrave and her work with the Grief Recovery Method.

The post Grief Recovery Can Heal Trauma appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist .